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Saturday, July 14, 2007
reality: check.
so with the onset of reality, there goes my short spree of 99% positiveness.
its so hard to see the silver lining when even ppl who have consistently performed way better than you are getting depressed. can i overcome all odds, and attain all 'C's for prelims? it remains to be seen, however, i guess it is time i took some pride and responsibility in my results instead of foolishly thinking i'll get phenomenal results with my slipshod attitude.
the obstacles that lay before me are even more now that i am trying to work hard. the battle is both internal and external and the only platform i'm winning on, is the deluded grey area in between that fuels my optimism. i don't see it diminishing anytime soon, but its likely that as the two battles get more intense, this 'in between' space will inadvertedly get compressed. my acknowledgement is thus, i must reach breaking point soon. or it'd mean i'm still slacking my ass off.
it is interesting though, to observe how my friends or 'friends' are coping with their successes and failures. this high-stress period is the time inherent character flaws start showing up. some need people like me around who do worse than them to boost their morale in face of their mediocrity. i take comfort in the fact i don't live the same narrow lives as them. i'm thankful, though, of being in a nice class, which means my contact with the above-mentioned is minimal, though not scarce as i'd wish it to be.
~~supposed to end the post alr but i went friendster serfing first instead lol~~
i got a little too carried away reading past testimonials in friendster from the back that i went over recent. it was really interesting to see what some of my friends wrote for me back then, esp with those of whom i'm still in close contact with. some of the guys and gals were still using twits then even! hahaha and imagining them talking in twits now.. hilarious. but then, there are some memories best left forgotten that still lingers in those archives.. oh well, the sudden shortlived heart ache was refreshing. lol it had been a while. who knows when i'd ever bother with the play that feeling again.
anw, although this post may sound a little bleak, my optimism levels are actually still quite on the high. mrs chang mentioned to me the sometimes over optimism can be bad and may just be another face of unrealism, but aiya, how perfect can life be? =))
current outlook: optimistic still.
+ graham + 2:21 AM
